you can dance.. you can jive...
having the time of your life....
(see that girl... in the skirt...
youre the peanut girl....)
and if you get the chance...
you are the dancing queen...
young and sweet only seventeen....


hey.... i get it! THATS why old people say that when youre teens/20s youre young! it must be because thats the time where you still feel like a kid! you feel like one till you get "old"! then you feel like that high school kid you knew you were so far off from becoming. so far, that it wasnt gonna come.... but it did ><

dancing queen...
feel the beat... all these memories...


posted by aisha at 11:37 PM

wow it seems like coff had a really good holiday. i thought it was good too. good for martin luther to stand up for the real colors of america. hello. wow was it really half a year since i blogged? jeez. i kinda dont get coffs posts tho.... marrieD? was that part of a story? or did she mean she was goin out with somebody? who was she talkin about? x? ho well coff thanx for writin me back an i was cryin an everythin cuz ur letter was pretty harsh reality stuff...... we have laptops............ school is worse than ever now at thes ducken kemakema.... it gets worse here every year cuz: 1. you guys arent HERE an 2. its just junk like doodoo ...... so i went to indiana thes summer..... and. i like these things cuz you can say whatever you want. so.... i dont like anyone now but i want to. an i miss coff so much but i know that its mostly silly... only because i see her as the thing that is the answer to everything like the friend that can solve all problems forever if i can just see her again. cuz its that thing you work for so hard that if you ever realize that its less than you hoped for, you know youre inescapeably doomed for something too horrible to think about. i think most people have that thing. if you can only have it then itll make it all better. but nothing really does. i know coff is not perfect but she seems so close its like im blind or somethin like i dont want to remember the stuff she does..... laugh at stuff and call chris dumb and put up with so much stuff....an we snuck out her window and made the teddy bear puzzle........ and the snow white one..... and the rock.......lol. and the chibi moon little girl transformation at the hotel........ these things are like so important to me becuz i really dont have a good memory. i have a hard time remembering things. i cant remember much more than that..... well we went to school too.... in middle school....... and my friends would wait for me! and they would do anything and especially listen to whatever the meme i felt like sayin and if i asked what grade they got they wouldnt say that i was just asking to brag about my grade.... and they wouldnt say i brag all the time..... but i dont try to........ and i cant even tell when i am.......... the people at kemakema are so miserable..... i cant even try to be funny because then im so dumb........now even the people in my 4h club say i brag too. but for real friends, dont we all just be happy for them and not jealous and mean?!?! i dont get it. so well theres this girl called nicki and shes from colorado and shes new from last year and i think she must be the nicest of all the people here........ so i try to be a good friend to her. i wait for her and listen and stuff and i try to show her that i need at least some friend. mostly all my 'friends' are people who talk a whole lot and rarely listen to what im saying cuz they always interrupt with something more important and if i make up something cuz it doesnt even matter what i say, then theyll listen and then i say well, not really.... actually..... 'oh.' yeah so i just cant get along that good with anyone. i hate school. i never did before. im so sad that danny moved to washington..... hes the reason i play the trombone.... and i tried to be smart so i could beat him..... and he didnt have to move..... different schools was enough............. and im paranoid all the time and that makes me ignorant and because im always worried that ill be shafting somebody it makes me self concious.... becuz...... if someone is talking then i think its about me and i just ignore it like i never heard and im so worried theyre talking to me and i just dont know cuz i dont really want to talk to that much people..... and since i was sick of thinking people always tease me, then now i think that people are all talking good about me and i think im cool and stuff when i know that im really not but i cant convince myself that im not..... and i can never stop smiling.... so if im mad then i get super frusterated becuz i cant be mean and then ..... heres another one im stuck immature. i just am. so much things are funny and no one else thinks so but i just cant stop laughing. and i say somethin i think is funny and then theyll go 'what? whatever.' 'nevermind...' but what they say is always funny. and i think im so smart and everything. i feel so dumb and lost. like everyone is supposed to come to me for help becuz im so cool and smart and stuff. so it makes me even more loser. so i carry a bear around that i got from walmart and he dont even have a name yet. cuz i want somebody certain to name him. but i carry him cuz either: so i can learn to be more responsible or so im not a loner. cuz a lotta times i have a big loss of common sense and lose whoever i was with. so then im left behind and have to go by myself. everything is so ridiculous. so thats my big problems. mark ing put them in the right words for me becuz i have a big problem with trying to say what i want to say in the least amount of words. i have to give the whole definition of one word and its always one word and i dont know that common word so what im saying kinda doesnt make sense. like he said im insecure and unsure. duh, hello how much more simple canju get. gotta love him for it. so i guess you guys have newer news goin on in ur life.....and cors u know a lot more about whats goin on with everyone cuz i was the first to leave andju dont want to totally ditch me cuz thats kinda mean. ho yeah i also forgot that im very sensitive. ill start thinking about all the stuff wrong with me and ill start cryen. or somebody talks about it and i cant take it. im such a kid that i want to grow up. i want to be able to drive. i dont know how to get mature. but i want to but i dont get how. how do you make yourself stop laughing at something super funny? in the middle of a chant? you cant? youre just immature and too bad? kulikuli.... i dont get it. i was pulled out enough from a kids life to give up hope of going there again. oh well ill just move on. if no one else around me can enjoy the kidness and they gotta be cool and preppy etc. i love the sovereign style. i think its pretty popular..... wearing junk clothes and shoes like youre poor. its just cool. i want to write lots of letters too. cuz its hard but people get happy. .... i used to be weird. lol. probly still am but just cant see it. high school is not a fun thing. im dreaded at college. so much work ill get...... but i just think that after you die itll be good cuz youll be where you want to anju can relive your life over as much as you want. mabey im livin it now. so no matter what i do, i cant change what i did. itll always be the same thing and i wont know it. so for so long ill just always be doin the same thing at the right time i was supposed to. wo its aleven andhai was so tired from ten last night. well i guess ill go to bed then. ha i feel like such a loner and im just talkin to myself. its pretty ridiculou.s but at least i put it in ridiculous words that have some chance of an understanding. cuz i know that after we die, well live the lives of every single person that your life could have possibly afected and see what it was like for them. my brother is getting worse all the time too. i could never say that hes tall. hes NOT. never ever would i see him as tall. hes just a ducken doodoo. cuz he has a temper and he complains all the time worse than me and everything has to be for him or he REALLY cant stand it. has to be his way. jeez. and he says mean things all the time that are supposed to be 'funny' but its just obviously really dumb and mean. really mean. not funny mean. so stupid. i dont get what i ..anything. right..... i used to like to write in secret code and stuff, but who wants to read the stuff i write? nobody! hello. coff used to read backwards but its like shes dead now. but i get to talk to her. so i want to write a letter every day. but she might get sick of it. or mabey itll just come every day and its just something she just reads every day and it says some different stuff but it doesnt really matter what it sasys. i guess she talks to ashi a lot. i cant face this no friend thing. i just cant. cuz if preal is ever not there or at least one person to understand every single thing i say then whats the point even. preo can understand everything even if she doesnt. i dont get why i did that stuff to coff. wit mih. i dont get it. even saying im lost is not right. i just think so much about whats the bad things about me. itsj ust what i think about all the time. and even my cousin kiah is looking up to me a lot less. she used to always wear always the same thing i did. now she doesnt really care. but ill be more desperate if she looks up to me even less every time. i have gel candles to make. me an nonen are gonna try to start a business but we gotta experiment wit just maken m first.i lov ethe dancing queen song. it was at our dance at the start of school and i didnt get it but now i really like it. see that girl... watch that scene... dig in the dancing queen..... if i ever reach seventeen then ill be really old. i had a long life already. before it falls apart any more im ready to die. its kinda weird u know..... its like you see 15, 16 as really old and you are SO BIG and can do SO MUCH stuff! but at 15... i feel like the same bigness as 12... but bigger, i mean if u know what i mean... like i havent changed at all, im still small.... but i dont understand how 16 and 17 is supposed to be SO BIG if that just 1/2 years away from now...... ?? do you get that big by then. and 18? its like...! as a kid, you always wanted to vote, drive, its the coolest ever...... then we were told no, we couldnt face it for a couple years, just wanted it so bad.... within the next couple years, we got used to it. its only for grownups, its something you wont do for a really long ever time. and now they say, 'here, go drive, go vote, go get married, go to college, go get a credit card..' ???? but you said i couldnt..... and you havent changed a bit from 11 to 18. but you have. in a different way than ever you thought. so you dont get it. oh well, go enjoy them. wait im confused....... well anyway, by the time that we are allowed to have more things, were already over them. we got over it. its old news. who cares, cuz we just accepted that we cant do that. ? and now we can? does anyone get me? its like youre lettin a kid drive.you really actualy dont change from a kid. why? mabey its becuz you thought that big people had no worries and so many things to enjoy. but when youre there, you have even more problems with these manini privilages. drive? you can drive? so? who cares? people who can can. kids care, but you dont. you still have problems and youre still smaller than other people. still smaller than the world. youre not the big kids that you used to watch and follow. youre a kid doing big things being watch by an annoying kid. why do we change so early? why arent we super old when our lives have to change? i really thought changing was just for adults. just for big people. when you got there, it would happen. not you had to change before you got there. why do kids get ma'i??? its so ducked up! and then you get all confused because only big people you thought had it... but youre not big, youre a kid with a ma'i and half an adult. you can drive and you have ma'i but youre still a kid?? why do we feel like kids? is just me? do only i feel like a kid? playing with sparklers and making a bonfire and playing house and school the way a kid does. even my cousin whos younger than me doesnt dare play that anymore. hes into the cool shoes and hair and clothes. but we used to didnt the meme care what the doodoo we were wearing. it was like it wasnt possible for you to even SEE what the other kids were wearing. you were just blind to it. no one cared at all. there was no fashion. no money wasted on a 'nice shirt' only worn once. parents bought the clothes and you wore it. if you wanted somethin, you could ask parents. now you get 15$ a week to try and survive at the mall. i cant do it without borrowing. every time i go oahu i spend a hundred or so, and ALWAYS borrow. i just do. its pretty ridiculous. and so am i cuz its 11:30. well mabey i made a little sense. i was so dumb. ho well no one even cares anyway. get it? you dont care about people you dont know so logically they dont care about you. whatever. siuh/cya.


posted by aisha at 11:32 PM